robert frost

The rain to the wind said,

"You push and I'll pelt."

They so smote the garden bed

That the flowers actually knelt,

And lay lodged- though not dead.

I know how the flowers felt.

this sucks.

You'd think that after doing it 8 times in the last 5 years I'd be used to it, but packing really sucks.

I'm not leaving right now, but all my stuff is. I'm sending it all home with a friend who is also moving back to Delaware and we went half-and-half on a U-haul truck. My whole life is sitting downstairs by the door in brown boxes (except, of course, what I can fit in my station wagon).

By life, I mean a physical representation of the last 5 years in Chattanooga and how they are all coming to a close. Life in a sense that it is moving on, and now I can see with my eyes that it's real. I don't like it. I never like it, this thing called change. Ugh.

I guess I should be thankful that it is so hard to leave, since it means that my time here was just that good to make me cry over a bunch of boxes. It's just weird putting things like my college diploma, photos of my Young Life friends from camp, gifts from my best friend, books I've read while here, clothes I've bought here, quotes on my bulletin board given to me by a dear friend, and sending them all back where I came from, where I'll have to look at them often to remind myself that this really did happen; Chattanooga wasn't just a dream.

I wish leaving it was, though. I know it's necessary, that it's one step along the path God has for me, but lately I've been thinking, This is a lot harder than I thought it would be, damn it.

i used to think my calling was marine biologist

So last night I finished my New Staff Training assignments and to celebrate I went to the movies by myself for the first time. I've always wanted to do that. I was the only one in the theater (shocker) at 9:30pm on a Tuesday watching Disney's Oceans documentary. Somehow it won over The Last Song.

Totally worth $10 (plus $4 for a blue slushie of course).

Okay so I'm aware that there are an abundance of documentaries on the ocean and you're thinking, Disney? Really? They only know how to do cartoons, how could they make a legit documentary? Well, somehow, they exceeded my low expectations and here is one of the most beautiful films I have ever seen.

In four years of production Disney somehow managed to capture the most beautiful scenes you could possibly imagine. From a mother walrus floating while cuddling her baby in her fins, to an explosive feeding of a school of fish by dolphins, sharks, and other animals, to a huge pile of spider crabs facing off on the ocean floor, to a diver swimming harmlessly alongside a Great White Shark, to ships making their rocky way over huge waves, to several humpback whales breaking the glassy surface all at once against a backdrop of Alaska snow-capped mountains. Breathtaking.

AND it's narrated by Pierce Brosnan. Good choice. It didn't narrate like other documentaries. It was more about inspiring awe and wonder and the words were poetic, not scientific. I know the point of the movie was to inspire us to take better care of our oceans, but it couldn't help but inspire a love for my Creator. I probably had mouth on the floor of the theater half the time, but it's okay because I was the only one in there. Every once in awhile I would see something and just shake my head. You came up with that? That's so cool. Wow. For me?

Just go see it.